November 29, 2024
It’s taken me awhile to work out the mechanics of my creative process, and I learn more about it each day.
There’s three elements, (1) the broader system of “Think ⇄ Experiment”, (2) “Think” and (3) “Experiment”.
When I am doing my best work, there’s a natural rhythm between Think ⇄ Experiment. There’s defined space for both and I have a clear sense of what mode I am in at each stage.
When I don’t have space to effectively Think ⇄ Experiment, I get anxious and very stressed out, even existential, because being able to Think ⇄ Experiment is how I survive, it’s how I provide for my family, and contribute to my community.
“Think” mode is always triggered by the same event, I get this feeling of fullness in my body and mind that feels like absolute certainty that I have learned so much, but I don’t know exactly what I’ve learned.
This feeling continues to build and build along with its correlated stress and anxiety because it feels like there is so much information inside me that I cannot think straight.
I worry that I’ve disrupted by natural Think ⇄ Experiment rhythm. Sometimes I worry I’ve lost my creative energy.
This continues until I cannot take it anymore and decide I’m willing to do anything to stop feeling this way, and that’s when the thinking begins. I ask myself, how do I get from the state I’m in, to a new state where I don’t feel this way?
I start writing things down, putting thoughts into clusters and themes, making visuals, collecting references, asking people questions, carrying a notebook.
Now, the puzzle starts to come together.
Each day I see things more clearly, until I know exactly what I know, and exactly what I don’t know. And then, a new question pops into my mind.
“Experiment” mode is always triggered by a question. Sometimes I get interested in questions because everyone around me believes something is true, but I get this feeling that something is “off”.
“Is that actually true? How can I validate it?”
“What happens if I do this?”
“How does this actually work?”
More recently, I’ve been interested in the question: “How malleable is Toronto and what does that mean?”
These questions lead to experiments and prototypes that I create to gather more information. I do these rapidly and across all mediums and facets of life. Over and over again. My little fury of creative activity.
These experiments spill into all areas of my life, they might influence the way I talk, who I hang out with, the clothes and aesthetics I’m interested in, the way I write. I try to push my limits. Do anything to get to the bottom of my questions. Anything to get to the truth.
By now, all of my closest relationships know these patterns. They can tell when a new “Experiment” mode is beginning, “oh god, what’s he into now?”
These experiments always have tight feedback loops. I do something and then follow the feedback, then do something again. Sometimes these cycles last months, but most times they last 1-3 years.
The experiments continue until I become confused, and hit that fog again. Until I feel like I have learned so much but I don’t know what I have learned.
And then it’s time to think again.